We talked about it for weeks. Soon, it had been months since I had decided. It was time. When she and I decided on the date and wrote it in the calendar, there was still time to change my mind. But this is something that I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do. I have believed that this project could be successful in this town given the time and opportunity. The original Vegas style shows are gone. It’s mostly Cirque now. What are the options? What are the choices? I have an idea…

We made a date on the calendar for filling out the paperwork in earnest. We made other dates on the calendar – production meetings, community participation, rehearsals, performance. It was time. I wrote the check, I signed on the dotted line.

It’s the best idea I’ve ever had and the best place to implement it. It worked when the dance studios began to wane and classical ballet, contemporary jazz, and modern dance went the way of the wind as various multicultural and ethnic styles by younger, stronger dancers came on the scene in the Bay Area. It wasn’t like lightening striking, it was more like the unfolding of a rose. Slowly, steadily, earnestly.

It’s time. Every generation has their history and their memories. Let us celebrate ours!

Every dancer has a story. If you’re over 40, here’s your chance…

This is a most amazing time. When I was in San Francisco, backstage, calling the shows, warming up for a performance, or directing the cast; I always knew that I wanted to be doing this full-time – all the time. And I worked in offices and honed my skills – I can make a mean Excel spreadsheet; and I can organize the chaos out of an event in a matter of minutes; and I can whip a crowd into a performance worthy group in a matter of hours – so why couldn’t I do this full-time?  And where could I do this full-time?

And then it came to me – in a Performing Arts Center!  Now there was a worthy goal – to run a PAC – situated by the ocean, of course! But what would it take, I wondered? I certainly had no money to invest in purchasing a space. I certainly had no credentials except the word of my friends and cohorts as to how good I am.

“I wish they had a college degree for people with great business skills and artistic sensibilities,” I said to my friend in passing.

“They do,” she said, matter-of-factly, “It is a Masters degree in something called ‘Arts Administration.’”

‘Well, I’m gonna get me one of those!” I said firmly.

And here I am. 34 days until graduation. Off to sunny Santa Barbara for the summer. I have had so many wonderful blessings in my life – so much to be thankful for. Two years ago when I rolled into Cedar City with truck and kids in tow, I had no idea what this adventure would bring. There were good times and crazy times, stressful times, and peaceful times, and then, there were these last days.

This is what happens when dreams come true. When the Universe brings you what you want, try not to act surprised. It happens all the time. Watch for it.

I just met a group of the most amazing women.

Let me start at the beginning. I was psyched. I had meetings scheduled every day this week and I knew what I was going to do and say at each one of those meetings.

However…
Monday’s meeting was cancelled because it was a holiday. We talked on the phone, briefly and it was done. Tuesday I was supposed to have lunch with a friend and a meeting with a Reverend that afternoon. I was so excited about lunch with my friend! She and I hadn’t spoken since I got laid off and now I was living the dream. Not making any money yet, but making great connections. I was also excited to pick her brain as I made my decision to be a dance producer.
The Reverend had a plan and I was going to be a part of it! There is a part of me that is intensely spiritual and, for a minute, I thought I wanted to be a Minister. I have since determined it would be much more fun for me to be the Minister’s assistant. This is my golden opportunity to do just that!
My friend called to change the lunch to Wednesday. The Minister called to change the meeting to Thursday, and then called on Thursday to say that she was still on the road and wouldn’t be anywhere near home at our meeting time.
At my lunch meeting with my friend, I never got to pick her brain because she spent the whole time chastising me about not having an elevator speech, and not having a business plan, and not thinking about insurance… Geez, I couldn’t wait for lunch to be over – Although I promised that I would have all that information for her by the end of the month.
Reverend called me twice from on the road and I have yet to call her back.
Here’s what I did instead:
In a mall nearby where we shop on the weekends is a Metaphysical Gift/Bookstore. Somewhere I had seen that this Metaphysical Bookstore was owned by a woman of colour. Not just any woman of colour, a METAPHYSICAL woman of color. We went there and saw that she was closed on Sunday and Monday. Since I am only over there on Sunday, it didn’t seem like I would get to check out her shop. Later that same week, I decided that I would drive out to the shop. It was Thursday. The sign said the shop was open from 12pm-7pm. It was 1:30pm. I knocked. Nothing. I looked around. She had brochures all along her doorway from women I knew from church, yoga, candle ceremonies – now I really needed to get in. This was a woman after my own heart. It was dark inside. I called the number and left a message. I waited outside, but no one appeared and I wondered if the store was still open.
At home, I went to the website and sent an email. I wanted in! I was adamant. She called me back over the weekend to let me know that she would give me 20% off anything in the store, if I wanted to come back on Tuesday. She was very apologetic.
I didn’t get there on Tuesday, but since my meeting with the Reverend was cancelled today, Thursday, I determined that I didn’t really have anything better to do, so why not go out to the shop? At first I thought it was too far to drive if the store wasn’t open, but then, I reminded myself that it was an African American Metaphysical Bookstore, so I went.
I was there until it closed. I walked in and went to speak to the proprietor, but I heard the Gayatri Mantra playing on the CD player and I was drawn to it. I had to stop and sing. When it was over, I was approached by one of the guys in the store who asked how I knew the mantra. I explained to him that I streamed a church service live on line and they played and sang it often. He said that I must know the drummer from this service, and I said yes, I had seen him on the livestream. At that moment, the very same drummer we were talking about walked into the store. Apparently we had manifested him. I ended up chatting with them both for quite a while. It was powerful.
When I finally got to speak to the proprietor, she was sharing my story with someone else when a woman who looked incredibly familiar came in, and I was sure I knew her. She was sure she knew me. It turns out that we don’t, or didn’t, know each other. That situation has since been remedied.
The proprietor started to show me around the store and tell me stories about her ideas and her projects. She wants to bring Metaphysics to the masses. I said, Wow, I just talked to another woman with the same idea; I need to introduce you to each other. And when I mentioned the other woman’s name, she said that she knew her VERY well and had just gotten off the phone with her! Yow!
Now I was really intrigued, but not more than when I sat down at the iPad and watched some amazing stuff on line…it was UNBELIEVABLE. And I’m not going into detail here, but just know I had a real eye-opening, real-time revelation! It was AWESOME.
So, this is my confirmation that I am still going the right direction, still meeting all the right people as I call them into my life – productive, purposeful, supportive, sensitive, psychic and metaphysical beings – I am so happy to be who I am in the skin I’m in!

“Mysticism is the art of union with Reality. The mystic is a person who has attained that union in greater or less degree: or who aims at and believes in such attainment.” – Evelyn Underhill

This is the result of a recent meditation. Read on:
I am a mystic. At my core is the soul of a dancer; I am an artist, I am a dancer, I am a mystic. Music makes me move. I feel the flow, the rhythm, the cadence of it. Appreciating the grace, artistry and beauty of other dancers, feeling their movements, being with them in flight when they launch themselves into the air;  the sensuality of body over body; knowing their thoughts at each moment of the movement being ‘in it’ – I am a mystic. I claim these experiences as being more than a subjective interpretation of these things.

I am a mystic. I often have inexpressible feelings that reveal themselves in laughter or tears. I have spent hours in contemplation, or in movement, with that sense of timelessness and unboundedness. I am blessed every morning, every minute and every hour of the day. I marvel at the mechanics of my body and I know that it is a blessing and a miracle and it is Reality. I marvel at the vicissitude of nature from its largest to its most minute form and I know that this, too, is Reality. Through the marvel of these sensations I have felt the Presence – the Oneness, the Wholeness, and the Consciousness – of my connection with the One.

I am a mystic. I hear it. A challenge that I had, up until now, was that I didn’t think that I could hear that ‘still, small voice’ but today, I know that I do. I feel it, too. Chills for me are confirmation that I have stated the truth for me and for others. Welling up with tears lets me know that I have ‘felt’ Spirit inside and it has touched me in a deep and profound place. Laughter reminds me that there is still so much fun in the world!

I am aware now. So many times I have had experiences to which I respond, “My God is an awesome God” out loud that I realize I have heard and felt that still, small voice often. Recently I rejected that voice thinking it was the ego talking and not God, but now I realize the difference. Is it coming from my heart or from my head? It is getting easier and easier to discern the difference. My very best friend and I travel together and constantly declare how ‘awesome’ my (our) God is. So many times I have felt completely in the flow and the connection with the Universe.

I am no longer making excuses for my life. I am no longer going to ‘judge’ myself. Up until now, I understand that it is ‘judgment’ that has taken up residence in my mind – yet it is not true of my heart. I can look back and see so many situations where I have ‘judged’ myself by listening to my head and not my heart. I forgive myself. The only time is now. It is important to me to let go of all that I have held myself hostage for. It is important to me to look beyond appearances and see the Reality. How did those things serve me? How was I punishing myself, and what for? I forgive myself. It is the idea that I am a mystic that leads me down the road of purification and clarification.

Open spaces, peaceful and calm, staring out over a field of grass I lose myself in contemplation. At these times, I feel the Peace of God. When I look into the sky and see the rays streaming down over the mountains, I see the Grace of God. When I look into the eyes of my month’s-old grandbaby and she smiles, I feel the Love of God. These situations are beyond appearances, they are Truth. They are Reality.

In the revelation that I am a mystic, all the question marks become exclamation points!

Today I realized that as I got swept up in the moment that same broom swept me off my path! When I was planning my exit from my job, I had a clear vision of what I was going to do next. I had been listening to bloggers and webinars and could feel the momentum build. I was excited.

When it turned out that I got laid off instead of having to quit, I was even more ecstatic. I thought I had a plan in place and that I was ready to go. I had spoken to a group about working with their theater company, I had a couple clients on the line, and I knew that I had other opportunities in my pipeline.

But the original focus was to be my Spiritual website – affording the opportunity to learn more, be more, share more and exchange information on a higher level. I wanted the chance to share stories and insights of my connection to the Universe with others. I have had so many miracles and ‘normacles’ in my life that I want to be an inspiration to others who are struggling. I have overcome social and physical addictions, climbed out of debt and realized my vision for self-employment right here, right now.

But for a moment, I seemed to have wandered off the path. Fear took me off the path, Faith brought me back. It’s tough to break the mindset of being an ‘employee’ to become an ‘entrepreneur’. That’s what I’m learning. And that’s what Spiritual and Inspirational motivation is all about. Stories and examples to see where ‘forward’ is from here. Products and services to enhance that vision.  These are my dreams, this is my vision, this is my focus, this is my goal. Let’s get on with it!

I could quit.
There it was, looming in the not-so-distant future – a brand new theater opening downtown with an opportunity for me to work with the company and in the space.

I could quit.
I graduated from school over 5 years ago – was I ever going to use my skills again? Was I ever going to be able to say that it was my ‘vocation’ instead of forever my ‘avocation’?

I could wait.
They have been saying for almost a year that they were going to lay people off. Maybe at the end of the year, maybe in January next year, maybe later in the Spring – harrowing, disturbing, annoying!

I could wait.
I’ve waited all this time. But, if not now, when? How long will I continue to put off the title of Production DIVA? How long will I continue to do something I dislike, for the benefit of a lifestyle that I’ve had all along? Where is the passion?

I went to an event in July and as the facilitator listed all the things that could be happening in my life – I had none of them – good or bad. Passion had left my life, dried up like tumbleweed and blown away in the wind. I was a drone. Get up, do my morning rituals, go to work, come home, make dinner, play on the computer, go to bed. My heart wasn’t in it. Wasn’t in any of it.

One day, I decided that it was time. It was time for me to determine my own fate. It was time for me to find opportunities to do what I wanted to do. I listened to podcasts, read blogs, mingled with my artistic friends, and asked questions. I have the skills; do you know anyone who could use them?

Friday was my D-day.
I would work through the week to be sure to be paid for Labor Day and on the following Monday morning I would call in and quit. It didn’t seem like it was necessary to give two weeks’ notice. When was I ever going to need a reference from a ‘cubicle’ job to advance my ‘Arts’ career? There are so many people who are currently aware of my skills and expertise. I have friends, many, many many friends in the business. Maybe they can’t find full-time work, but in helping each one of them, I can. And then, in so doing, they are empowered to more opportunities to work doing what they love as well. I put a Bulls-Eye on Friday in my datebook.

I could quit now.
When I quit, I wouldn’t get severance, I wouldn’t get unemployment, it would just be over and done. That’s okay. For the first time in my life, I have money in the bank just for this reason! I’m actually prepared. I’ve got more than three months of salary. Surely in three months…

I could quit now.
We had been working in a different department for the summer (it was so slow they had loaned us out as ‘temps’). We returned to our regular jobs our first day back after Labor Day. They gave us busy work to do. I had other plans in place. I didn’t care. I was ready. I had four days to go and I was going to quit.

God had other plans.
The Department Manager came to my desk a little after 10 A.M. that morning and asked me to come to the Executive Conference room. I almost started to cheer. It was finally time; I was being laid off! It was better than I could have imagined! I was being laid off!
Fist bump, yes, I’m out of here.

Paid for seven days I didn’t work; severance for five weeks; insurance to the end of the month. Fist bump, yes, God is good. I didn’t have to quit! I think I was the happiest person that had ever been laid off by the company.

God is SO Good and the Universe is PERFECT.
I had an interview to start working the following week with the artists and dancers in the area. Soon after word got out that I was done, others started to call. Here’s a show, here’s a concert, here’s an event, can you make them happen? Yes, I said to them all.
Yes, I Can.

Make that decision. Make that plan. Take those steps. If you are unhappy, do whatever it is that makes you happy on the outside, on the backside, or on the inside of what you are already doing. Just go for what makes your heart sing, and when it’s time, you will step out on Faith. Make that leap, the bridge will appear.

“When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and it is time to step off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.”
- Edward Teller (Hungarian-American physicist)

In Spiritual Liberation: Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential, Reverend Michael Bernard Beckwith says that a temporary state of unhappiness may be feedback from the Universe that it’s time to introspect and see how our choices are causing or preventing us from manifesting our natural state of joy.

We make agreements with ourselves or others that we do not keep. We surround ourselves with people and situations that degrade, devalue and limit us – then we question why we have no self-confidence! No matter who we are or what other people think or say about us, the first limitations we must overcome are those we place on ourselves.

Today think of one person that lifts you up. When you think of this person, it makes you smile. Go ahead. Smile. Feel the Joy. Now, in this state of Joy, think of something that you love to do. Resolve today that you will find a way to do it. Hold the thought and anticipation of doing whatever it is that brings you Joy. And then, just do it.

Do you think that just because you don’t believe in something means it won’t work? For as many things that have rules, there are so many more exceptions. There is gravity, yet planes fly and there are those who levitate. There are material solids, yet I know there are solids that are liquids and liquids that are solid.  (Check for Oobleck recipe at the end of this blog.) So much that we accept and take for granted in this world is unseen – electricity, energy, sound, light, heat – we see the manifestation but we do not ‘see’ how these things ‘work.’

That is my relationship with the Universe. I pray, I meditate, and I feel the presence within and I believe that it just ‘works.’ Try it. Here is something that you won’t believe it until you ‘see’ it. Stand straight and raise your right arm and point your finger out in front of you. Next, keeping your arm straight, rotate your arm to the right as far as it will go keeping your feet forward. Now CLOSE YOUR EYES and IMAGINE that you are doing it. DON’T DO IT. Just imagine raising your right arm out in front of you and turning right as far as you can go without moving your feet. Imagine turning further. IMAGINE again, DON’T DO IT, just IMAGINE raising your right arm and turning even further toward 360 degrees without moving your feet. NOW, open your eyes, lift your right arm, keep your feet forward, and rotate your arm to the right…Surprised?

“Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.”    - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

• Oobleck – add cornstarch and add just enough water to make a paste. First, lightly let your finger sink into the liquid. Next, hit it really hard with that same finger and it is solid. Next, drop your finger gently into the mixture and then quickly drag your finger through. It’s liquid, it’s solid, it’s hard, it’s soft. It’s Oobleck!

Spent last weekend in San Jose, California at an event that I will forever remember as a milestone in my personal growth and development. I promised myself that if I ever had the money, I would participate in a Tony Robbins event – and I had the money, so I did. What this powerful weekend did for me was jettison me out of whatever was left of the comfort zones in my life and motivate me to reach for the stars! So many of my breakthroughs were from things in my life that I thought were over and done, but now, they really are!

For me, it was all about taking action! First, I celebrated the many successes that I have achieved in my life in this past year – the negative things that I gave up and all the blessings that came to pass. Second, I forgave myself for all the time and energy I spent giving my power away to all those things that were detrimental to my personal health, wealth, power and wisdom. And then, the realization that it’s never too late to begin again came to me like the burst of a camera flash.  

So here I am, at the beginning. There are products to  create, websites to develop and wisdom to share. There are relationships to cultivate that are long past due in my life – both friends and lovers. And there is much to pay forward for all the blessings that I realize have come to pass in my life.